Finding Joy: What are my core values?

I'm hopefully headed toward a 'deeper sense of flourishing' with the VITALS method.

Photo by Matthew Lancaster on Unsplash

Last month I finished the latest draft of my memoir, which chronicles my journey coming to terms with my familial legacy of trauma and mental illness, and in the process, finding compassion for myself and others.

I’m now entering the next phase, which is basically seeing if anyone wants to publish the book, or if it may need more work. Shifting into this lower gear has put me in a reflective mood. I know I’m itching for a big career change, but what, exactly? Do I want to lean more fully into being a (paid) creative writer? Or a job where I’d be less online and more active, ideally among the wildflowers? As part of this, I’ve also been doing plenty of existential daydreaming, even wondering who “I” am, and what do “I” care about? (A therapist might call this phase ‘post-traumatic growth.)

As woo-woo as it sounds, “knowing yourself” is important, writes author and retired counseling professor Meg Selig. A strong sense of self leads to less inner conflict, better decision-making, more self-control, improved resistance to social pressures, and increased vitality and pleasure. All good things, you know?

To help me make sense of it all, I’m using a technique developed by her, called the VITALS method. This stands for:

• Values

• Interests

• Temperament

• Around-the-clock activities

• Life Mission

• Strengths

I’ll be sharing my progress through the VITALS via this newsletter, as I work on each step in real time. This is my first one. Buckle up, buttercup!

V is for values

Values are defined as “the principles that give our lives meaning and allow us to persevere through adversity,” a definition credited to psychologists Barb Markway and Celia Ampel.

And “knowing your core values can help you resolve specific daily dilemmas because values light the way toward a meaningful and satisfying life,” Selig writes.

To find or reaffirm your values, she recommends a free online tool called The Life Values Inventory. (BTW, it appears legit, created by two academics and financially backed by a foundation.)

Guessing what my values might be

Before I fill out my Life Values Inventory, I take a moment to jot down what I think my values might be. I scribble out:

• Creativity/uniqueness — I value being a little weird and owning things like earrings made of possum bones. And, well, I’m a writer.

• Nature lover — My ideal vacation is one without many humans, where I encounter lots of new plants and animals I’d never heard of before.

• Reliable — It’s important to me that my husband and daughter know they can count on me day to day.

• Curiosity — Without curiosity, life doesn’t feel worth living. This is no doubt a core value of mine, maybe THE core value?

I stopped at four. This felt like enough?

My ‘Life Values Inventory’ results

WHOA. It’s detailed, folks. They send me a 16-page report to download. I’ll be processing all the useful information for a while. But here’s the top-line view:

It’s reassuring to see that my “high-priority” inventory values are similar to what I guessed they might be. Maybe I do know myself better than I admit?!

Caveats

Conflicting values

Several of my high-priority values are at odds with each other. That’s not unusual, but it can cause disharmony and chronic indecision. For example, I want to be responsible but also independent. In real life, this means I want to go off on a long writing retreat in the woods without leaving my family feeling abandoned. The key to handling this is learning the art of “balanced expression,” the authors state.

Unfulfilled core values

Not living out your values also causes internal strife. “Concern for the environment” is high priority one for me, yet I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to fulfill it. I never have — it’s a source of regret ,for sure, how in my early 20s, I let myself get pushed into the career I was good at versus the career I love. I need to find something more in the middle, I think?

Putting it all together: Turning values into goals

The next step is achieving “optimal expression,” or turning values into goals.

That’s a whole beast in and of itself, so I’ll tackle it in an upcoming newsletter, tentatively titled Finding Joy, Step One, Part B: Strategies for Optimal Values Expression. (Don’t worry, that’s a working headline).

In the meantime, the Life Values Inventory folks provide a hint: “Your values-based goals should be less about outcomes, which you can't control, and more about actions that you can completely control.”

One action I’ve already taken? I’m attending a workshop on forest bathing this evening! I’m excited to meet some like-minded people and find out more about being a nature therapy guide.

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You can also find values via your heroes

Admittedly, taking an online survey is not everyone’s cup of tea, especially if you’re creative. Another way to reflect upon your core values is to think about the people you most admire, famous or otherwise. Why do you like them, and what does this say about you? At first, I bristled at doing this, worried I’d find them too intimidating to find relatable to my life. Wrong!

Photo by Gabriel Bassino on Unsplash

My favorite musician, David Bowie? I admire him because he explored different religions, philosophies, and art forms throughout his life. He evolved, never stagnating for long, creating art up until the day he died:

“As you get older, the questions come down to about two or three. How long? And what do I do with the time I’ve got left?”

My favorite environmentalist, Lady Bird Johnson? She snapped back at critics who said her “beautification” campaign was busy work, and used her role as First Lady to fulfill her passions, gifting Texas with the reestablishment of wildflowers. I cannot look at a field of bluebonnets without silently thanking her.

“Where flowers bloom, so does hope.”

My favorite pop scientist, Desmond Morris? Though his theories likely haven’t aged well at all, he helped me better understand humans via his book The Naked Ape, which I read in college (for fun, not a course). Knowing there were people out there observing the baffling absurdity of humans and making sense of it all helped me feel less alone. (His chapter on tribal behavior and modern sports = chef’s kiss).

Plus, he’s funny.

"Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female."

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What are your core values? Or does this whole thing make your eyes roll?

Friends/fellow shrieking cacti, I’d love to hear from you: What do you consider your core values? Have you always felt aligned with them? Or something else, like omg Joy, stop already, I hate this.

I’d love to know! Comments are open…