Our cat can talk. Turns out he's pretty funny.

Why every family could use a chubby rescue cat that sounds like Homer Simpson

“BLERP”

In our household, we have a pretty cool secret: Our cat, BlackStar, can talk. Yep!

His favorite topics include feeling left out (“someone open door, someone open door RIGHT NOW!”), the value he places on his family members based on their capacity to provide body heat (naming us “medium warm,” “big warm,” and “little warm”), and the numbers 3 and 14 (why those two numbers? you’d have to ask him).

Of course, BlackStar can’t actually say this stuff out loud. Instead, I speak on his behalf, a feline-to-human translator. Sorry to disappoint you if I really had you going there.

I don’t remember when I gained the ability to speak cat, but I suspect it sprang up during the doldrums of the pandemic, as a way to make my kid laugh.

When I channel BlackStar (he was named Blackstone at the shelter, we changed it to something cooler*), I sound a bit like Homer Simpson. Again, I don’t remember why or when this came about, but I suspect it’s because Homer’s dopey voice suits BlackStar’s mental aptitude, which is minimal. (This is also why we don’t let him outside; he’s not one of those cats who avoids cars.) I tried a British accent, but no one bought that for a second. This cat is a working-class American through and through.

My cat persona popped into my mind this week when I read a Psychology Today article on how families use humor, titled Don’t Laugh At Me, Laugh With Me. Our family’s humor wasn’t really something I’d given a lot of thought to before, but it’s definitely a topic worth pondering: How does your family (or household) do funny?

At its best, humor draws family members together, points out author Diana Partington. As she explains, research shows that “humor can build rapport, create inside jokes, and deepen our connections with our housemates.”

On the flip side, it’s a potent way to deliver venom, sometimes accidentally. To avoid this, “create a home culture where everyone is in on the joke, and everyone is elevated with kind humor.”

“DIS HOOMAN? IS MINE.”

Fortunately, even during times of high stress, we have BlackStar, the perfect comedic foil for our family’s follies. Everyone is in on the joke (except the cat, I guess).

At first, I was the only human in the household who could speak BlackStar, but over the years, both my husband Brendan and daughter have become experts, too. We all easily slip into BlackStar-speak anytime he does something silly or dumb, which is approximately every 7 minutes. (I don’t know if it’s reached that point where an outside observer would start to question our sanity as one of us spouts off about the dreariness of being served kibble each and every day, but you’ve been given fair warning.)

Pets are amazing that way—providing unconditional love and silliness, the kind that can infect everyone in the room. It’s hard not to laugh when BlackStar gets the zoomies and sprints up the stairs, nearly tripping one of us. It also helps that he’s a void cat, his big yellow-green eyes often the only visible thing about him when he’s charged unexpectedly into an open kitchen cabinet and peers out against a dark backdrop.

He also loves to snuggle. Sometimes too much. When he’s in this mode, watch out. You’ll get head-butted until he has your attention, and if I’m in the room to speak on his behalf, expect a lecture, too.

“KITTY DESERVE LOVE! PET ME NOW, HOOMAN!”

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“CAN YOU BEWIEF DIS MESS?”

*Why the name BlackStar? It’s David Bowie’s swan song (who, btw, is the only music star with his own emoji 👨‍🎤), the title of a terrific Radiohead song from an album I listened to relentlessly in college, and the name of a hiphop supergroup my husband adores. What’s not to love? One of my proudest cat mom moments is when a veterinary tech heard his name and excitedly asked “Is that for Bowie!?” YES, YES IT IS.