My social media breakup story

An impulsive despair-fueled experiment taught me how to break free from the feeds.

I was on my fourth or fifth visit to the ICU to sit bedside with my brother. He was intubated, fully sedated, in “critical but stable” condition. I didn’t have much to do, and I was too frazzled to read a book. So I opened Facebook. Then Instagram. Then Facebook. Then Instagram.

Rinse, repeat. (Thankfully I’ve never downloaded TikTok, or else I might still be staring at my phone.)

Maybe around the 100th time of doing this, I caught myself: What the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing this? Just like that, rinse, repeat became rinse, repeat, DELETE.

The FOMO goes *poof*

That was five months ago. At first, it wasn’t easy. Like an itchy phantom limb that I could not scratch, I kept opening my phone and trying to check my feeds. I’m not proud of that fact, but I know many people would struggle with the same compulsion: Our collective tech addiction is a form of limbic capitalism, which I wrote about a few weeks ago.

It makes me feel a little better (and a little naive) knowing that social media is designed to be this way, Addiction psychiatrist Carl Erik Fisher breaks down some of the subtle tricks in “What makes the internet addictive?" Consider endless scrolling on social media, which is exactly what I’d get trapped by everytime I opened my phone in the hospital. Facebook has endless content to pull from and show in my feed, including lots of paid posts from “influencers.” None of it made my life any better.

When you pair those kinds of tricks with already inherently addictive activities, it’s a disaster waiting to happen, he writes:

“Consider gambling: online gambling allows for 24/7 access, quicker game cycles, the disinhibition that comes with anonymity, and powerful algorithmic nudges (e.g., ‘happy hours’ or other personalized push notifications). There are analogous problems with online shopping (reducing friction with things like one-click purchases and saving payment methods across platforms), social media (endless scrolling), news consumption, streaming content, porn, even dating.”

Fortunately, after a few days, I eventually stopped trying to tap something that wasn’t there. As a replacement of sorts, I started reading more and playing puzzles like Wordle and Connections. Even though I wasn’t reducing my screen time all that much, I still felt more…free? …Unencumbered?… In control? I especially loved how my vague, lingering sense of FOMO went *poof* and evaporated.

Turns out everything I need to know is already being delivered to me via phone calls, texts, emails, direct messages, newsletters (ahem), websites, snail mail, doorbells and lab results. Whew, that’s a lot! Why add more, especially when it’s cluttered by Reels and ads and updates from Russian bots?

Everything in moderation, right?

Even though my hasty decision was driven out of despair, it was ultimately a wise decision. Research shows even a one-week social media break leads to significant improvements in well-being, depression, and anxiety. And if there was one thing I needed when I deleted all my apps from ICU Room 220, it was was well-being.

For work reasons, I still have active accounts, which I use on my laptop. This has been the right balance for me. I don’t feel totally disconnected from my social media world, but I don’t feel any pressure to constantly keep tabs via my phone, especially late at night.

If you’re the least bit tempted to try out a brief (or total) social media cessation, join me! I know it’s a bit of a cliche, but just like no one on their deathbed has ever said “Wow, I wished I had worked more!” they also have never said “Wow, I wished I had used TikTok more!”

What do people wish they had done? The ICU actually answered that for me, quite literally. This whiteboard in the hallway invited people to answer: If you could do anything right now, what would it be? No one said “doomscroll.”

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Instead: Diving with sharks. Sunbathing on a beach. Hiking in the PNW. Sleeping (I’m betting that one is from an ICU nurse, who are a special breed of human that I’m glad exists.) Making jewelry. Writing a novel. Gardening. Sewing. Skiing. Playing with puppies. Cruising. Surfing. Going to music festivals.

I’d love to do all of these, and more.

How about you?