Googling 'why do I startle so easily?' and other signs you might be 'HSP'
It's not anxiety. It's not PTSD. It's not introversion. It's more like the princess who could feel the pea.
I stumbled upon the “diagnosis” after a series of run-ins with my family members that caused me to gasp if they did ordinary things like walk into the same room as me. “Oh my god, you scared me!” I said each time, as if that wasn’t painfully obvious.
I turned to Dr. Google to find out more: “Why do I startle so easily?” At first, I was directed to articles on PTSD. Yes, I had been through that a time or two, but not recently. My nervous system was fine. Eventually, I found a questionnaire that asked about my frequent tendency to startle, along with other things that sounded more like me:
“Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?” (Isn’t everyone?)
“Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?” (Yes, or I close my eyes and plug my ears like I’m five. Also, I keep ear plugs in my purse—you never know.)
“Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?” (Yep. Doesn’t this just make me an introvert?)
“Do you have a rich and complex inner life?” (Of course I do! I’m a writer!)1
My score was twenty. I only needed fourteen to “probably” be deemed a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), a term popularized by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron.
Highly sensitive?! Wait, whaaaaat? Isn’t that the word people use when they’re referring to people or kids we consider high-maintenance or emotional? As in,“Is that Mason yelling again about a broken crayon? He’s so ‘sensitive!’”
Then I did a very Grown-Up Thing and actually read about HSPs. Whew. I’m not sensitive as in emotionally burdensome, I’m sensitive as in overly reactive to sensory input. The other name for HSP is “sensory processing sensitivity.”
In other words, I’m not a prissy princess, I am the princess who can feel the pea.
Suddenly it all made sense — why I rip tags out of my clothing because they annoy the shit out of me. Why I always point my snout and ears like a guard dog when I hear sirens nearby. And why I love nothing more than crawling into bed after being around a lot of people, especially after coaching volleyball practice, which is delightful but overwhelming due to the shrieks of thirteen elementary-aged girls, bright gym lights, and constant ricochets of the balls on the wooden court.
And don’t get me started on my rich and complex inner life, which is both a blessing and a curse.
Other important things to know
HSP is not a diagnosis, it’s a trait. All of us fall somewhere on the spectrum of sensitivity. I’m on the high end.
It is not the same as introversion, which is more a measure of social enjoyment regardless of the sensory environment. But it’s not unusual for highly sensitive people to be more introverted, to avoid getting overstimulated.
If you love spending money on NFL games, haunted houses, or orgies, you are probably not sensory sensitive.
You may be “sensation-seeking,” though, which is its own thing.
The bad news?
Highly sensitive people often do not enjoy popular activities that others enjoy, or they may reach their limit quickly. Because of this, they may feel like something is wrong with them and talk themselves into to doing they don’t want to do. For this reason, highly sensitive folks may struggle with low self-esteem.
When I first moved to New York City, I made a self-imposed rule: I will not visit any bar where I can’t immediately sit down and hear my friends speaking. I was 25 going on 75. To be clear, this was impossible to enforce.
I put up other barriers to cope with the constant overstimulation, to the point I was eventually working from home and spending most of my weekends upstate.
The worst place ever for highly sensitive folks?
It was in NYC where I discovered another place I really, really don’t do well, a place devoid of the natural world, a place where every day not all who enter will leave alive.
No, not the NYC subway, though not a bad guess.
The hospital.
I’ve written about my traumatizing experience in depth for Cosmopolitan Magazine, so I won’t belabor it here. I was pregnant, I had a disease that over-activated my nervous and vascular systems (even my reflexes were “brisk”), I was incredibly exhausted. I felt like a caged animal in a giant, noisy laboratory where I was endlessly poked and victim to the whims of a broken system. Because I was.
Any good news?
Yes! Due to our above-average observation skills—highly sensitive people notice that moth on the wall and the weird vibe in the room—we are intuitive and feel things deeply. This may be why I sensed something was “off” about a woman in our twentysomething NYC circle of friends. Then she proved my intuition right by unleashing her rage cyberharassing me for eight years. Being a sensitive gal, this online vitriol impacted my writing career.
Wait, that’s good news?
OK, so that might not be a good thing per se, but my intuition was useful: She wasn’t a person I wanted in my life. My feelers go up easy, and they’re often right.
But beyond that, being perceptive and observant means HSPs are more easily moved to “awe.” The natural world is plenty. Our inner world is plenty. I walk on the beach and feel the cold sand grinding against my toes, smell the briny stalks of saltgrass, hear the seagulls cackling overhead, see the iridescent ribbonfish streaking through the waves. And it’s all incredible. I don’t need much more from life than that.
Do people taking this quiz actually answer “no” to this? The thought baffles me.
I’m a HSP when I’m in an anxious state.
This is so helpful! I’ve always wondered if my treats fit into the HSP bucket. I am definitely NOT one who enjoys “spending money on NFL games, haunted houses, or orgies,” so I probably fit the bill. Thank you for sharing. I’d love to learn more!